5 lessons to learn from an unexpected breakup

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on unsplash

Overnight and without notice, you are told: “It’s over, I don’t want you.”. And after ?

unexpected a breakup is, the more painful it is. Neuroscience indicates that during the experience of rejection, the same areas are activated as during physical pain, making the suffering very “real.” Also, with grief, you feel like a part of yourself, of your life, is being “ripped off”. If we add to this the addictive effects of love and infatuation, then we have a psychologically very explosive cocktail. With this panorama, it is not surprising that relationship problems today occupy most of the reasons for going to a psychological consultation.

Once the psychological effects of love are briefly contextualized, this is a message for both those who leave (or plan to) and those who stay. Overnight and without notice, you are told: “ It’s over, I don’t want you.” It is very painful, no doubt. However, from this experience, we can learn things. They can be summarized in the following 5 points:

1. No one deserves to be dumped like this

Under normal conditions (i.e. if there has been no betrayal, infidelity, repeated disrespect, abuse, etc.), no one deserves to be despised by the overnight , without notice.

In a normal relationship, in which both have shown affection and mutual affection, the other cannot be left “in the gutter”. The person who loved you and whom you loved, with whom you have intimate ties, in no way deserves cruel treatment.

Just as you enjoyed the relationship, you ultimately have a responsibility to show respect, consideration, and sensitivity to the person , their situation, and their feelings, even if it means delaying or coping with your decision for a bit. gradually.

We are not machines, we are not beings to be used and thrown away. Falling in love and being left behind has its rights, but also its “duties”.

2. What you did during the relationship is “completely lost”

Everything you gave to your partner is a gift that you gave at the time, under your responsibility, and in no way a bargaining chip. We give, support, help the other without expecting anything in return.