7 golden rules for living happily as a couple, according to John Gottman

Amelia Mia
4 min readJul 10, 2022
Photo by Allef Vinicius on unsplash

What is special about happy and lasting couples? John Gottman, one of the greatest relationship experts, teaches us the principles of a full life together.

Most people want to be in a lifelong relationship , but statistics show us that the likelihood of achieving this is very low. When the infatuation phase passes, many couples begin to have cohabitation problems and fight over everything and nothing. Criticism, indifference, defensiveness and contempt become frequent. If there is no mutual effort to improve the quality of life together, this difficulty in coping with problems can lead to a breakup or two people remaining together, but unhappy. On the other hand, there are couples who manage to maintain a solid and respectful relationship even in difficult phases. What do happy, stable couples do differently? Why do some couples thrive and others fail?

According to relationship expert and psychologist John Gottman, the secret to happy couples isn’t that they’re smarter, richer, or luckier in love, but rather that they’re emotionally smarter. They know the importance of respecting their partner, understanding each other, and constantly valuing the other.

In his book “Seven Golden Rules for Living Together” , Gottman, who is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and has spent more than 40 years researching issues related to living together, teaches us what works and what not to do when managing conflict.

The 7 principles to improve the couple relationship

1. The Love Card

Happy relationships have what Gottman calls the “love map.” The cards are the knowledge we have of our partner’s life. Know what his wishes, his tastes, his fears are. Remember the events of his life. Know and respect their weak points. Remember the names of his family and friends.

According to the American doctor, people who have a detailed map of the aspects of their partner are more prepared to face the challenges that appear in the relationship.

2. Cultivate love and admiration

It’s a cure for contempt, because if there’s affection, there won’t be contempt (one of the main reasons that lead to a breakup). It is…

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Amelia Mia

Writer, tools for thought,tips/thoughts/general hellos