Couple: what to do when you no longer understand each other?

Amelia Mia
6 min readMay 7, 2022
Photo by Charlie Foster on unsplash

How to solve problems in a relationship and feel understood when you argue?

Disagreeing with a loved one isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What hurts is when you don’t know how to fix problems in a relationship. Misunderstandings between you and someone you love can trigger the worst stresses of your life.

These tips can help you feel more understood and heard again.

First, look at why we’re so easily misunderstood

In the beginning, love makes it easy to feel understood. We have a lot of goodwill and less emotional history involved, so we can be kind and open. We may not care how to solve problems in a relationship. All that goodwill can make relationship problems easy to resolve.

Time passes. Once we become familiar with a person, we begin to rely on the fast, automatic brain. Communication problems enter into every relationship.

But now, when you try to talk with your partner, do you think things like these:

  • My partner does not understand me;
  • He takes everything I say badly;
  • My partner does not understand me emotionally;
  • I can’t talk to him about how I feel.

Perception is subject to errors. The wrong tone or look from our husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or wife can cause outrage. We feel judged. But do we really know what is going on with our partner?

We don’t stop to check. When our relationship feels threatened, stress levels skyrocket. We panic. We engage in problem solving. We forget kindness. Suddenly, getting along becomes much more difficult.

How to solve problems in a relationship?

Don’t rely on the automatic brain . We have an automatic brain. It is designed to save time and energy.

In a familiar setting (like a relationship), our brain automatically loads our past memories, judgments, and thoughts of experience. In this way, we avoid starting from scratch to operate in our daily lives.

The problem is that our brain is wired to seek out danger. To keep us safe, it first looks for…

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Amelia Mia

Writer, tools for thought,tips/thoughts/general hellos