When someone raises their voice at me, I can’t answer

Amelia Mia
6 min readJul 6, 2022
Photo by João Marinho on unsplash

How unpleasant is it to feel abused with words but not able to react? Let’s think about how we can get out of this vicious circle.

How many times have you ever had to deal with an aggressive interlocutor ? Whether it’s a manager, co-worker, or family member, aggressive communication is a way of relating that hardly anyone likes.

However, in life it can happen to have to deal with interlocutors of this type, for example at work but also in the family .

What does a person do when they use an aggressive style?

There are behaviors attributable to verbal language but especially to non-verbal language that highlight this style.

Let’s see some of them referring to verbal language.

  • Use of generalizations : “you are always…”; “you never do…”.
  • Use of judgment : “you are incapable”; “you are unpleasant”; “You always think you know everything”.
  • Interpretations : “You say that because you are not able to do it; “You want to cry because you know you were wrong”.
  • Give a sermon : “I would have expected a more mature behavior from you”; “you should be more careful what you say because you are not able to handle situations”.

Examples of non-verbal behaviors related to the aggressive style:

  • Raise your voice.
  • Interruption of conversation rounds; in other words, they cut off the floor.
  • Contracted facial mimicry often associated with redness.
  • Body rigidity.
  • Reduced distance from the interlocutor.
  • Rapid or explosive gestures (doors slamming, punches on the table, etc.).

In addition, an aggressive interlocutor is often driven by feelings of anger or its derivatives (resentment, irritation, annoyance, etc.). This aspect has an important implication. When you are very angry, how well can you listen? Few I guess. This is valid for every human being; emotions, in general, when they are strong, signal to the brain that it must be alert because there is a possibility that it must force the person to flee or to fight . Listening and thinking are two mental…

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Amelia Mia

Writer, tools for thought,tips/thoughts/general hellos